The 4 Stages of Change: Why You Might Not Be as Stuck as You Think

One of the biggest mistakes I see smart, driven women make is expecting themselves to operate the same way in every season of change.

We want clarity. We want a plan. We want to know what’s next. And preferably, we’d like to start taking action by Tuesday.

But change doesn’t always work that way.

One of my favorite frameworks for understanding change is Martha Beck’s Change Cycle. Using the metamorphosis of a butterfly as a metaphor, this framework identifies four distinct stages we move through as our lives, careers, businesses, and identities evolve. Understanding which stage you’re in can completely change the way you support yourself through the process.

Stage 1: Dissolving

Something is ending. Maybe you left a job, a relationship changed, your business isn’t working the way it used to, or nothing dramatic has happened—but you can feel that an old version of your life no longer fits.

Martha Beck compares this stage to a caterpillar entering a cocoon and quite literally beginning to dissolve. Not exactly the most comfortable part of becoming a butterfly.

This stage can feel confusing, emotional, and disorienting. Your job here isn’t necessarily to take immediate action. Despite what we’ve been taught in our Western, individualist culture, springing into action isn’t always the most aligned path. Sometimes we need time to grieve, heal, and let an old identity dissolve.

It can look like nothing is happening, but profound change may already be underway.

Stage 2: Dreaming and Scheming

This is where possibility starts to return. The new version of your life isn’t fully formed yet, but you begin to imagine what it could become.

You start asking different questions: What do I actually want? What could my life look like? What if I tried something completely different?

This stage is about curiosity and imagination. You don’t need a perfect plan yet. You need room to dream.

For many high-achieving women, this can be surprisingly uncomfortable. We’re often much more practiced at executing a plan than imagining a new one. But the butterfly isn’t ready to fly yet. And neither are you.

Stage 3: Trial and Error

Now, we move. You try the new role. Launch the offer. Have the conversation. Apply for the job. Take the class.

This is where we start testing our wings. Some things work. Some things absolutely do not. That’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

Trial and error is how we collect the information we couldn’t access by thinking harder. Clarity often comes from moving.

Stage 4: Mastery

Eventually, things begin to click. What once felt unfamiliar becomes natural. You build competence. Confidence grows. The new identity begins to feel like yours.

You’re flying.

This is often the stage we want to rush toward. But here’s the problem: we create unnecessary suffering when we demand Stage 4 results from ourselves while we’re still in Stage 1.

We call ourselves stuck, unfocused, unmotivated, or behind, when we might actually be exactly where we need to be.

What stage of change are you in?

Think about one area of your life or leadership that feels uncertain right now. Are you dissolving, dreaming, testing your wings, or flying?

And perhaps more importantly: what does this stage actually need from you?

Not what you think you should be doing. What do you need?

Navigating a change of your own?

If you're in the middle of a career or life transition and aren't sure what comes next, let's talk.

I offer complimentary 30-minute strategy calls for women leaders who are ready to get clear on where they are, what they want next, and the practical next step forward.

Book your complimentary strategy call here.

You don't have to have the answer before we talk. That's kind of the point.

Scarcity is a Thought, Not a Fact

So many of us move through life believing that scarcity is a fact. We say things like, “There’s not enough time,” or “I can’t afford that,” or “There aren’t enough opportunities.” These thoughts feel real, even responsible. But what if I told you that scarcity isn’t a truth—it’s a thought? And like all thoughts, it’s optional.

This distinction matters, because the thoughts we repeat shape our reality. When we believe there’s not enough time, money, love, or opportunity, we act accordingly. We hustle harder, hoard our energy, avoid taking risks, or settle for less than what we truly want. From that place of fear or contraction, we inadvertently create more of the very thing we’re trying to avoid: a life that feels limited and small.

The truth is, our thoughts create our results. Every feeling we experience is rooted in a thought. And every action or inaction we take is driven by how we feel. So when we buy into scarcity thinking, it leads to scarcity action. We don’t follow up. We don’t ask for the opportunity. We keep quiet when we could speak up. We wait instead of move. We play it safe, but the cost is high—we end up creating the exact results we feared.

Scarcity thoughts are often fueled by deeper, unexamined beliefs. Beliefs like: “If I rest, I’ll fall behind,” or “If I take a risk and fail, I’ll look foolish,” or “If I say no, they’ll never ask again.” These beliefs may have once served us as protective mechanisms, especially in systems or environments where we truly had to fight for resources or recognition. But at some point, they begin to limit more than they protect. And that’s where the work begins.

The practice is not to pretend everything is abundant when it doesn’t feel that way. The practice is to get curious. To question: What am I believing right now? Is it helpful? What might I be creating with this belief? And is there a more empowering thought I can try on instead?

For example, instead of “There’s not enough time,” what if you believed, “I have time for what matters most”? Instead of “Clients are hard to find,” what if you shifted to, “There are people right now looking for exactly what I offer”? These aren’t just affirmations—they’re thoughts that open new possibilities. They create feelings of hope, motivation, and clarity. And those feelings fuel very different actions.

Scarcity is sneaky. It shows up in our calendars, in our bank accounts, in our job searches, in our creative blocks. But it’s not a fixed reality. It’s a lens. A habit of thought. And the good news is, you can change it.

When you begin to believe in sufficiency—in your time, your gifts, your worth—you start to operate from expansion instead of contraction. You take bold, aligned action. You ask for more. You create more. And slowly but powerfully, your results begin to change.

If you’re ready to shift from scarcity to sufficiency and take bold, aligned action in your life or work, I’d love to support you. You can book a complimentary 30-minute coaching call with me right here and we’ll explore what’s possible together.

The Show Must Go On: People-Pleasing in the Events Industry

In the events world, we’re taught that the show must go on and to keep everything behind the scenes. It’s a mindset that helps us navigate high-stakes environments with grace and professionalism. But when that becomes the default—when we apply it to how we show up in every interaction—it starts to wear us down.

Over time, this mindset can morph into people-pleasing. We say yes when we mean no. We hide how we’re really feeling. We become the calm in the storm, even when we’re quietly unraveling. Many of us are rewarded for our ability to over-function without complaint, but that kind of emotional labor comes at a cost. It leads to masking, burnout, and a slow erosion of self-trust.

I see this every day in my coaching practice. Brilliant, high-achieving professionals who have built careers on being the fixer, the steady hand, the go-to person—but who feel exhausted, resentful, and unsure how to reclaim their time or energy without letting someone down. The habit of people-pleasing is so ingrained, it can be hard to see it for what it is.

But here’s the truth: you can lead without losing yourself. You can succeed without constantly self-sacrificing. The first step is noticing the patterns that no longer serve you and learning how to shift them with clarity and care. That’s exactly what we do in my course, Breaking the Habit of People-Pleasing. It’s designed for professionals who are ready to stop over-functioning and start showing up in a way that’s more sustainable, honest, and aligned.

If you’re ready to stop masking and start leading with more ease and self-respect, I’d love to support you. Learn more and join the course here: www.breakingthehabitofpeoplepleasing.com

#RobynneWeaverCoaching #PeoplePleasing #EventProfs #LeadershipCoach #BurnoutRecovery