When It Feels Like Your Situation is Causing the Way You Feel

When we find ourselves in challenging situations, it can feel like the situation is causing us to feel terrible. 

Conversely, when we find ourselves in positive situations, it can seem like that is causing us to feel wonderful.

But the truth is, two people can be in the exact same situation and feel entirely different emotions. Why is this? 

It’s because the situation itself doesn’t have the power to cause our feelings, only our thoughts can do that. 

So say a company is laying off a percentage of their workforce. Jim gets the lay off notice and he thinks, “I got laid off today, this is horrible. How am I going to pay my bills? I don’t even know how to start looking for a new job. After everything I have done for this company, this is how they treat me!?”

Meanwhile, his colleague Sarah down the hall is thinking, “The timing of this lay off is perfect for me. I really need time for a reset. Going on unemployment for a bit will allow me to reconnect with myself and discover what it is I really want to do next.” 

Your situation cannot cause your feelings. It’s your internal dialogue, your thoughts about the situation, that are creating the feelings you experience.

This is so simple, we know it logically yet it’s easy to forget. Clearly if our thoughts are causing our emotions, we can just choose better thoughts. But, how often does a negative thought pop into our mind that we just accept as fact? 

It happens to me ALL the time. Luckily, I am a questioner and I have gotten in the habit of investigating my thoughts religiously. 

Here are some questions you might like to ask yourself if you’re having a thought that’s causing you to have a negative emotion, or is leading your thinking into a spiral: 

What am I making this situation mean?

• How do I know this thought is really true? 

• Who would I be without this thought? How would I treat myself and others?

• Is this thought building a case for or against me?

• Where is this thought coming from? Is this truly mine, or is this part of my social/cultural conditioning?

• Is there a “should” attached to this thought? If so, is this “should” an indication of how I think others are expecting me to react or behave? 

• Is there fear behind this thought? If so, what is it that I am really afraid of? 

It’s important not just to thought-swap (immediately choosing a positive thought over a negative one) but to really feel and process the deeper layers that are underlying the thought. If fear comes up, sit with that fear. If pain or the desire to avoid comes up, sit with that too. 

The more you can learn to feel what comes up and drop resistance to the thought, the more easily you can process your emotions and choose new thoughts you really believe in. 

When your thoughts change, your emotions follow. We act most consistently from our emotions, and our actions or inactions are ultimately what create our results. 

So yes, if you’re looking around at your results, and you’re not happy with what you see, you’ll know what you need to do: start excavating your thoughts. 

If you’d like help digging into your limiting thoughts and beliefs, you can book a complimentary coaching consultation with Robynne.

Embracing the Gifts of Deep Rest and Celebration this Season

The winter months can offer us a unique opportunity for deep rest and celebration. Embracing this seasonal & cultural rhythm can have a profound impact on our overall well-being and creativity.

Here’s 5 gifts of deep rest & celebration during winter:

1. Deeper Sleep & Coziness: the dark and cold nights of winter invite us to slow down and conserve energy. It offers a natural time for the body to restore itself after the busyness of the year, promoting recovery and rejuvenation. It’s a great time to cuddle up and embrace hygge (pronounced hyoo·guh), the Danish & Norwegian word that describes the cozy, contented mood evoked by comfort.

2. Slowing Down Fuels Creativity: When you slow down and allow room to take in new information, you open up space for creativity and new insights. When we have time to feel bored we tend to explore more and try new, “just for fun” things. Embracing a beginner’s mindset allows us to create from a place of joy and empowerment. This can encourage learning, daydreaming, and making joyful plans.

3. Introspection & Clarity: The quieter, darker days provide more time and space for introspection. It’s a time to turn inward and reflect on personal goals and values. This can help you to reset your intentions and set the stage for exciting beginnings in the new year.
   
   

4. Deeper Connections & Celebration: Winter months are a time when we seek out community and companionship. We take time to gather and celebrate with friends and loved ones and to be present in each others’ stories. We enjoy the nostalgia of old holiday movies, music, and cultural traditions. It’s also a time for strengthening new bonds and creating new traditions, if that feels nourishing.

5. Increased Emotional Resilience: Deep rest also means taking the time to be with and process our emotions. It’s a space for healing and processing unresolved feelings and stress. This can lead to reduced anxiety and increased emotional clarity so that in the coming year we can take empowered action in greater alignment with our goals.

If you’re starting to dream & scheme about making a change in the new year, I’d love to support you with a guided, actionable plan. Schedule a complimentary consultation here.

5 Tips for Managing Election Anxiety

5 Tips for Managing Election Anxiety: 

1. Do Your Part: Vote, Donate and/or Volunteer to Your Individual Capacity & Ability
   
   DROP THE GUILT. If you are not eligible to vote, contribute in the ways you can. If you do not have money to donate, contribute in the ways you can. If you do not have capacity to volunteer, contribute in the ways you can. There’s a theme here: despite our limitations, we can all do something. When compounded, small actions lead to big results. Plus, taking action feels good.
   
   

2. Make an Election Night Plan that Feels Supportive & Healthy
   
   Do you want to participate in a watch party with others? Do you want to eat a warm meal at home & cozy up on the couch? Do you want to plan a time to take a quiet walk, or commit to turning off the news cycle & start your regular nightly routine? Plan in advance what you’ll eat, drink, & do to support yourself.
   
   

3. Catch Yourself when Future-Tripping or Catastrophizing
   
   If you find yourself venturing into “what if” territory, you are outside of the present moment & current reality. Imagining worst-case scenarios is not protective or preventative.
    

4. Take Intentional Media Breaks
   
   This means committing to stepping away from the news cycle and social media. Get outside, care for your plants, cook a meal, make something with your hands, or play with a pet or child to remind yourself there is more keeping this beautiful planet spinning than our human-constructed political systems.
   
   

5. Remember: You are Equipped to Live in Your Integrity Regardless of the Outcome
   
   You can treat yourself and your community with care & compassion no matter the elected official. Your ability to take positive action towards change will continue far beyond this election.