When It Feels Like Your Situation is Causing the Way You Feel

When we find ourselves in challenging situations, it can feel like the situation is causing us to feel terrible. 

Conversely, when we find ourselves in positive situations, it can seem like that is causing us to feel wonderful.

But the truth is, two people can be in the exact same situation and feel entirely different emotions. Why is this? 

It’s because the situation itself doesn’t have the power to cause our feelings, only our thoughts can do that. 

So say a company is laying off a percentage of their workforce. Jim gets the lay off notice and he thinks, “I got laid off today, this is horrible. How am I going to pay my bills? I don’t even know how to start looking for a new job. After everything I have done for this company, this is how they treat me!?”

Meanwhile, his colleague Sarah down the hall is thinking, “The timing of this lay off is perfect for me. I really need time for a reset. Going on unemployment for a bit will allow me to reconnect with myself and discover what it is I really want to do next.” 

Your situation cannot cause your feelings. It’s your internal dialogue, your thoughts about the situation, that are creating the feelings you experience.

This is so simple, we know it logically yet it’s easy to forget. Clearly if our thoughts are causing our emotions, we can just choose better thoughts. But, how often does a negative thought pop into our mind that we just accept as fact? 

It happens to me ALL the time. Luckily, I am a questioner and I have gotten in the habit of investigating my thoughts religiously. 

Here are some questions you might like to ask yourself if you’re having a thought that’s causing you to have a negative emotion, or is leading your thinking into a spiral: 

What am I making this situation mean?

• How do I know this thought is really true? 

• Who would I be without this thought? How would I treat myself and others?

• Is this thought building a case for or against me?

• Where is this thought coming from? Is this truly mine, or is this part of my social/cultural conditioning?

• Is there a “should” attached to this thought? If so, is this “should” an indication of how I think others are expecting me to react or behave? 

• Is there fear behind this thought? If so, what is it that I am really afraid of? 

It’s important not just to thought-swap (immediately choosing a positive thought over a negative one) but to really feel and process the deeper layers that are underlying the thought. If fear comes up, sit with that fear. If pain or the desire to avoid comes up, sit with that too. 

The more you can learn to feel what comes up and drop resistance to the thought, the more easily you can process your emotions and choose new thoughts you really believe in. 

When your thoughts change, your emotions follow. We act most consistently from our emotions, and our actions or inactions are ultimately what create our results. 

So yes, if you’re looking around at your results, and you’re not happy with what you see, you’ll know what you need to do: start excavating your thoughts. 

If you’d like help digging into your limiting thoughts and beliefs, you can book a complimentary coaching consultation with Robynne.